Hello readership!
this morning, I was reading about CoD Modern Warfare 2 coming out tomorrow. I hate this game. Not much people do, so I had this idea about fictionalizing why I hate this damn game. It's pretty much a metaphor about why I hate online shooters, but hey...enjoy, next week Voices will turn back to something more serious again.
It had to happen that night. I came back from my local EBGames with a fresh copy of Call Of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. I also bought a six pack of beers and baked some nachos in the oven. The girlfriend was gone for the week-end, so that night, I would learn to love and enjoy Call Of Duty. I would hail it as the best online first person shooter like the others. I would have fun and finally participate in those long CoD conversation on lunch break at work. For weeks now I had to suffer these unintelligible conversations about pwning n00bs online. I was sick of it and determined to join the cult. I couldn't be worse than the night I had try to join World Of Warcraft.
My friends were pretty cool about it. Steve and Dave reserved their friday night for me, to introduce me to the world of online shooters. We would contact through the blue tooth head set of the PS3 and kill some folks all night long. We joined a lobby together around 6:30 PM and hopped in a game:
*screen flashes, countdown*
BEN: What happened?
STEVE: Ha ha! You died
DAVE: Dude you suck
BEN: But I JUST ENTERED THE DAMN GAME!
DAVE: You'll enter it again in five seconds to beware this time.
BEN:Good...here I am boys....PRIVATE BB..FUUUUUUUCK!
STEVE: Ha ha! You're dead again!
UNKNOWN VOICE: PWN3D
BEN: YOU LITTLE SHIT! I'LL PISTOL WHIP YOU TO DEATH
UNKNOWN VOICE: I'm waiting for you bitch
BEN: YOU'RE THE BITCH
DAVE: Come on kid, don't camp, go play
UNKNOWN VOICE: FUCK YOU I DO WANT I WANT
BEN: Hey let go of me!
STEVE: Ha ha! He's pistol whipping you to death!
DAVE: Dude you're getting creamed, do something.
BEN: HOW ABOUT A LITTLE HELP?
DAVE: OH yeah sure *shoots the kid*
UNKOWN VOICE: U FUK U, I PWN J00.
STEVE: Oh fuck me he's going to get his whole gang on the field.
DAVE: Let's go hide and ambush these fuckers, Ben, can you throw a grenade?
BEN: I DON'T KNOW I'VE BEEN PLAYING THIS GAME FOR FIVE MIN....FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK AGAIN!
STEVE: Headshot...brutal
DAVE: You've been sniped dude
STEVE: Fuck sniped too...where is this guy hidden?
UNKNOWN VOICE 2: WE L33T H4X0RZ. WE PWN J00.
STEVE: Fuck me, not this kind of kid.
BEN: Fuck it guys let's go get another game.
STEVE: I'M NOT YIELDING TO A 14 YEARS OLD NO WAY!
DAVE: Me neither. They're going down
BEN: Yeah but...AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH AGAIN!
DAVE: Fuck me dude, these kids are good.
BEN: I suddenly feel the appeal of Little Big Planet sitting on my coffee table
STEVE: Don't be such a puss man, play with us! DAMMIT YOU LITTLE BRATS
UKNOWN VOICE 1: Hahahah T0LD J00 PWN J00
STEVE: STOP SPEAKING L33T YOU'RE NOT COOL!
UKNOWN VOICE 2:Br00t4l.
DAVE:Ha ha rocket launcher look at these kids fly
BEN: Fuck what was that?
DAVE: What? We have friendly fire on.
BEN: WHYDIDYOUCHOSEARIENDLYFIREG...
DAVE: Relax man it's just much more realistic...FUCK would somebody remove that sniper rifle from this kids hands?
BEN:I SHOOT YOU, DIE KID, DIE!
DAVE: He's higher level than you man, don't sweat it and go for the head shot.
STEVE: He's a lot more talented than you too.
BEN: FUCK YOU STEVE, I'M SICK OF THIS SHIT.
DAVE: Relax, it's all fun...aaaaah AGAIN!
UWNOWN VOICE 1: PWN3D
BEN: At least I get laid, unlike you little bitch
DAVE: NOOOOOOO DON'T SAY THAT!
BEN:WHY?
DAVE: They're going to take it all personnal and the game won't be fun anymore.
STEVE: Hah! Killed the sniper guys! He was hidden in that stupid tower.
UNKWOWN VOICE 1:R3V3NG0RZ
BEN: What was that a virgin crying?
UNKOWN VOICE 2:I'M NOT A VIRGIN.
BEN: YOU'RE A VIRGIN, VIRGIN!
DAVE: Hah other one died. W00T grenades!
BEN: FUCK WHAT WAS THAT?
DAVE: You got shot dude, you should be used to it by now.
STEVE: Yeah you kinda suck.
BEN: FUCK YOU GUYS, I'M GIVING THIS ONE LAST SHOT, IF IT DOSEN'T WORK I RETURN THE FUCKING GAME TO EB!
STEVE: Isn't it closed?
BEN: NO IT'S FRIDAY IT CLOSES AT 9
DAVE: You're so stressed out dude.
STEVE: Yeah chill out we'll help you.
STEVE: FUCK ME. A FUCKING MINE.
BEN: So much for the help.
STEVE: Oh fuck you buddy.
BEN: HEY WHAT THE FUCK! I'LL KILL YOU AT THE OFFICE MONDAY
STEVE: Don't go....
DAVE: Where at he went?
STEVE: Back to EB I guess.
DAVE:Total time played 17 minutes. I told you he wasn't cut out for the real thing.
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lmao
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