Saturday, January 2, 2010
Manly Video Game Review: God Of War Collection
Oh yeah I am back!
Sooner than expected and in a better shape than I thought! Here I am again, me, the not-too-nerd, the manly rational guy teaching you how to get more bang for your buck with your PS3. As you might know if you have checked out my page during Christmas Vacation, this very first article of 2010 is dedicated to one Sony's biggest buff, the God Of War franchise, which relaunched his PS2 titles on one Blu-Ray disc, for a cheaper price than the usual PS3 game. Come on, I never played God Of War before, heading into the holidays having just finished Assassin's Creed 2...well choice wasn't hard to do, I would meet Kratos and his friends while eating turkey with cranberry sauce. So, for those like me who were God Of War illiterates here are my impressions...
I'm only done with God Of War, currently playing God Of War 2 now, but the plot is so easy and effective that I will whip it out in a few lines for you.
As you might all now, shit's happening in Ancient Greece. The Gods, back then, were not as hypocritical. Back then, heavy war was holy and every God was right there, on the field, flipping each other off and helping the poor souls who vowed their lives to them on the battlefield. So God Of War picks up during an Olympus family quarrel and Ares, having daddy issues with Zeus because he favors Athena decides to whipe Athens clean to show off his power and maybe, you know...have the car on the week-end or something.
Athena, freaked out, calls on Kratos who once vowed his life to Ares, but has now a bad case of existentialist angst because his God made his kill his wife and child...because you know...they were getting in the way of more killing. Yep, Ares invented machismo. Not the Mexicans. Kratos having emotional problems and recurring nightmares gets lured into this by Athena in exchange for a good night of sleep and off we go in adventures in ancient Greece.
Will not talk about no.2 right now because it implies a huge spoiler of the first one, but let me tell you something. The strenght of the plot relies around Kratos himself. That guy is a real man. He should give manhood lessons to Nathan Drake. The frantic pacing of the game revolves around the fact that Kratos doesn`t mess around when asked to do something. Let me explain you how it works:
GOD:Kratos kill Medusa and you get her power
*Kratos looks at Medusa...is clearly not impressed*
*Kratos slices the Medusa in half*
...and off we go to the next level. Story is simple, very efficient and more even, paced around the badassery of Kratos. You won't get blown away by it, but efficient cut scenes and a great main protagonist is all you need to keep you in there.
Once again, it screams: ¨keep it simple, but keep it tight.¨ What do you care if a women dosen't have double D breat and stiletto heels when she's a hardcore sporty and can fuck your brains out? Well that's the kind of game God Of War is. There are two things to do, fight and dealing with puzzles that go from straightfoward to infuriatingly complex and frustrating. Combat is fun, but borderline button mashing. There are a few combos that are very useful and that's pretty much everything you'll need to know (I'm thinking for exemple of the figure skating double axel Kratos does with the blades of chaos...beat the damn game with that move).
What got me out of my fucking mind was the choices of puzzles that went from fun to completely irrelevant and borderline broken. That Hydra battle in the beginning was so goddamn hard on button mashing I had to restart the game on easy mode...and I barely every beat it! It's stupid because it's not a mesure of how hard the game is, it's just that particular battle. Some of the puzzle sometimes were also strange. I was asking myself if I was playing God Of War or Super Fuckin' Mario. I mean what was with that level where you cross wooden beams with spinning blades? Hades's Challenge? Yeah more like Bowser's Challenge!
I'm exagerating...the gameplay is tight and the weird messed up puzzles are few and far between, but still it's the shadow of a big fuckin' blamish!
AAAAAAAH! That's the big thing for those of you who played God Of War on PS2! I'm a big at lost for words here the adaptation is very good, the graphics are nipped up perfectly brought to the best level possible. But...because there's always a but...it still looks like a PS2 game. I do not think it resides in the graphics, but more in the level design of the game.
The character is not followed over the shoulder as it is in your typical PS3 game. As a design choice (or a technological restraint, not sure), the camera shifts to different point of views, from over-the-head to a side-scrolling view, making Kratos very very small, reducing your gameplay accuracy. Anyway for two games at 39,99$, it's still a pretty good deal.
All right, I don't know who scripts these games, I must've skipped that name in the credits but DAMMIT! GIVE THAT GUY AN AWARD. Most awesome cut scenes or whatever. Kratos is so awesome he makes me believe in Sparta again after the very terrible assault that the movie 300 gave to their credibility. Where Kratos goes, male egos clashes, jobs are done, asses are kicked, names are taken and blood flows.
Ass kicking all you want, isn't it all better when it's done by people who are full of shit and talk trash for hours and hours? Come on now. Kudos to the dev team who gabe great manly names to their trophies like ¨Get me a beer kid¨, ¨Kickboxer¨ or ¨Roll Over...And Die¨. The game breathes manliness and every true male should enjoy the awesome fun.
-Frantic pacing, it just goes...forward...a lot...all the time
-Blood Squirting frenzy
-Lack Of imagination with puzzles
-Level design is not always practical
-Will give me a thumb tendonitis when i'll be done
That's it...great gameS, great fun, but the utter perfection it used to be four years ago is slowly fading...fast, get me God Of War 3