A mumbling mess

Whatever you feel like doing with your life, risky or not, boring or exciting, it's O.K. with me, as long as it makes sense for you. I like to go out in the world and stir things up, but that's just me. If the penultimate goal of your existence is to die in the best possible condition in order to augment the chances of resurrection, good for you. It's a risk I'm not ready to take yet. I'm ready to do everything else though, so when lights will go out, I'll make sure not to regret anything. Resurrection for common folk is something that might never happen. Not to me anyway, I'm not pious enough.

Life gambling is a question of dates. You set dates that become turning stones in your existence. As some of you may know, I'm into event organizing along with two partners. Last Saturday was one of our shows, our second in six weeks. What is both amazing and exhausting with these events is that I can't anticipate life beyond them. Each and everytime there is a date set, it's the end of the world for me. Apocalypse happened on May 1st and now, I'm living in some sort of artificial, temporary heaven because the next Gehenna is scheduled on July 3rd.

Last Saturday's even was exhilarating. The show was intense, the crowd was rowdy and you could feel the electricity in the atmosphere. Everytime two fighters stepped in the ring, we could read resolve, but incertitude on their faces. We had created a concentration bubble for them which made for crazy intense high paced fights. I live for these kind of evenings where sheer adrenaline is propelling me in every direction like a demented rubber ball. I could live my whole life seeing the kids I train performing well in the ring, win or lose. Nothing makes me happier than a successful event where the guys can perform in front of a raucous crowd.

There is a physilogical cost to all of this though. Adrenaline is one sweet and addictive substance that builds up progressively in your blood stream for months to give you a climactic rush on fight night. When it's all done and the stimulant evaporates from your blood stream, you're left a mumbling mess. This is what I am today and will probably be for the duration of the week. I'm like a drug addict suffering withdrawal. Without adrenaline, I'm sleepy, cranky and I feel like my body is just a limp piece of rubbber.

There are good sides to it also. I'm less responsive to the outside world so I can get inside my bubble and write more. I'm thinking about starting exercising on this blog. Not only stories, but just dialogues, descriptions, character pitches. I want to step my writing up a notch and you guys might just be the witnesses.