Country:
USA
Recognizable Faces:
Alex Pettyfer
Vanessa Hudgens
Mary Kate Olsen
Neil Patrick Harris
Directed By:
Daniel Barnz
Yeah, I watched that. I know. It's another one of those tribute movies I watched in a social situation. Actually, it's not true. About five minutes into it, I got up and turned on my laptop to get a little bit of writing done, but Beastly was so bad I couldn't stop watching it. I find it healthy to watch some garbage from time to time, it keeps your senses sharp and keeps you appreciative when a filmmaker/writer tries really hard to do something good. It's not the case here. Beastly is based on...you guessed it...the Young Adult Paranormal Romance novel of the same name by author Alex Flinn....who...doesn't seem...to know much about anything. And...holy shit...where do I start with this?
Kyle (Pettyfer) is an asshole. But everybody loves him because he's handsome, charismatic, rich and his father is a news broadcaster. The students of his school love him so much, they elected him president of...the student council I guess? Of course, Kyle is not "really" an asshole. He's been raised by an asshole father who he tries to live up to. Kid has daddy issues. One day, he pisses off a girl who happens to be a witch (M.K Olsen) and get changed into a "hideous monster", promised the blurb. Really, he loses his hair, gets a few impressive scars and some hippie looking tattoos of trees. The curse won't be broken until he gets a girl to tell him "I love you" and really mean it (I know, you've seen this one before) and to complicate things, Kyle's dad locks him up in an apartment with a black maid and a blind teacher. Then Kyle will start obsessing over Lindy (Hudgens), a girl he used to toy with, because she used to love him as Kyle and she's poor and simple and has her priorities right and all.
All right, everything's wrong about this movie. First...what's up with Vanessa Hudgens? She's a gifted actress who doesn't look like a plastic surgery simulacrum, she could make the average american male dream, but she's always doing those stupid teen movies. She doesn't look in control of her career at all. Pettyfer is a terrible actor and despite having some strong support from Neil Patrick Harris, he's still a bad actor, playing a bad script. I mean, Kyle is learning tolerance and open-mindedness with a blind man and a black woman...stereotype, anyone? And they're not only aesthetic choices, they act pretty damn stereotypical too. They both have "intangible wisdom" that was given to them by their condition of being blind...and black (yeah, I'm not kidding there). All that was missing from this sorry portrait, was a mother on pills and a German Shepherd.
There is no reason to watch Beastly, because you've watched it before. It's part Beauty And The Beast, part Princess And The Frog, with a pinch (a very tiny pinch) of Phantom Of The Opera, thrown in a blender with Young Adult sauce. There is nothing original, nothing subtle, nuanced or beautiful about it. It's all heavy-handed, black or white decision making that magically turns Kyle into a decent human being with an ugly face over a very short period of time. I mean, I'm pretty sure people are getting burned and disfigured...and if they were assholes, they're going to be worse after that. They're going to be more violent and grow desperate. Well not for Kyle. I didn't talk about the direction yet, because there's nothing to say about it. It's directed like any stupid teen movie has been during the last ten years, tightly wrapped, over-edited and kept short for the ADD-ridden target audience. I watched it, so you don't have to.
SCORE: 12%
All right, everything's wrong about this movie. First...what's up with Vanessa Hudgens? She's a gifted actress who doesn't look like a plastic surgery simulacrum, she could make the average american male dream, but she's always doing those stupid teen movies. She doesn't look in control of her career at all. Pettyfer is a terrible actor and despite having some strong support from Neil Patrick Harris, he's still a bad actor, playing a bad script. I mean, Kyle is learning tolerance and open-mindedness with a blind man and a black woman...stereotype, anyone? And they're not only aesthetic choices, they act pretty damn stereotypical too. They both have "intangible wisdom" that was given to them by their condition of being blind...and black (yeah, I'm not kidding there). All that was missing from this sorry portrait, was a mother on pills and a German Shepherd.
There is no reason to watch Beastly, because you've watched it before. It's part Beauty And The Beast, part Princess And The Frog, with a pinch (a very tiny pinch) of Phantom Of The Opera, thrown in a blender with Young Adult sauce. There is nothing original, nothing subtle, nuanced or beautiful about it. It's all heavy-handed, black or white decision making that magically turns Kyle into a decent human being with an ugly face over a very short period of time. I mean, I'm pretty sure people are getting burned and disfigured...and if they were assholes, they're going to be worse after that. They're going to be more violent and grow desperate. Well not for Kyle. I didn't talk about the direction yet, because there's nothing to say about it. It's directed like any stupid teen movie has been during the last ten years, tightly wrapped, over-edited and kept short for the ADD-ridden target audience. I watched it, so you don't have to.
SCORE: 12%