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5 Things You Shouldn't Say (or Do) to a Compulsive Reader



I, like everybody else on the internet, like to fancy myself a writer. Truth is, I write as much as I possibly can, but that thing I do more (and maybe better, I don't know) than anybody else is reading. I read all the time, about 100 books a year. So there you go, I'm more of what you would call a professional reader (or just very enthusiastic). Having my nose buried in books all the time, I've learned a couple things about how people see readers in our society and thought I'd share a couple observations to help you understand who we are and what it is to be a reader in this day and age.

This (I hope) will help my reader friends put up with the rest of the world, too. I can see some of them rolling their eyes already. My apologies if this sounds petulant.

1) Don't talk to me when I'm reading. This is the worst. I know you're trying to be nice, but I'm not reading because I'm lonely. In fact, reading is that one thing I do that never makes me feel lonely. It's a super power against loneliness. So, unless you want to discuss the book I'm currently reading (or the author), pretty pretty please, wait until I'm done. If nobody's dying or if the building isn't on fire, it can wait.

2) Don't tell me about your Great Unwritten Novel. I don't want to hear it. If there are so many writers on the internet, it's because most people figure it's easy to write a novel. That all you need is a killer idea and 30 to 50 hours of free time. Truth it, everybody has a great idea for a novel. You're not that special. What would make you special is to get it written and published. Then you wouldn't be telling me about it, I'd be reading it.

3) Don't tell me you don't have time to read. Guess what? Neither do I. I'm not better or more efficient than you, I just carve up time because it makes me feel good to read. In the morning. In public transportation. At lunch. Before going to bed. I never read more than 30 minutes at the time, but never less than 90 minutes a day. If I have time to read, so do you and don't use your kids as an excuse. It's OK to do something else with your free time, just don't pretend it's a time issue. It's a priorities issue.

4) Don't tell me reading fiction is a waste of time. This one irks the shit out of me. Especially if it comes from someone who 1) watches a lot of television series or 2) doesn't read all that much. What is it? Your time is more valuable than mine? If your only motivation to read are to improving your professional skill set or finding the miraculous all-purpose life hack, no wonder why you don't read all that much. It must be boring as hell. Also, I wrote about the point of fiction a while ago.

5) Don't start comparing readings unless you know we have an author in common. Conversation can get awkward really quick when people do this. One of three things can happen: 1) That person is going to tell me what she read in high school, 2) That person is going to tell me about how much they loved Harry Potter books or 3) I'm not going to know any of that person's authors. It's cool that you read too. I'm happy somebody else thinks it's worth the time. Still, it might not mean we have anything in common.

*bonus*

This wasn't in the original post...

6) Don't tell me you can't read on Kindle. The wording is almost always the same: "I can't read eBooks, I need the feel of a book in my hand." No shit. Everybody prefers real books, but what you just said means that 1) You've never read an eBook in your life and 2) You prefer being seen with a book than actually reading. eBooks are awesome. They save you space and money, and it helps you find a wide array of books you'd have to trade for blood plasma in order to get in paperback. Of course it's not the same, but it's an enhancement to anybody's reading habits.

Here you go, I hope I didn't piss too many people off. The struggle is real, folks. I have put up with these questions/behaviors AT LEAST over a hundred times in my life. Tell me, readers: have I left one out?

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